From When I Say No, I Feel Guilty:
Although it may seem paradoxical at first glance, those of us who cannot cope assertively with criticism also seem incapable of coping with compliments. If we are hard-pressed to cope with criticism, it certainly seems as if we would take all the compliments we get as a relief from the negative marks chalked up against us. Unfortunately, for most of us, this isn't the case. When we are praised or complimented, we stammer, mumble something, look and act sheepish, feel like twisting our hat in our hands, and change the subject as quickly as possible. This coping inadequacy is not due to modesty. It has root in our childish belief that other people are the real judges of our actions. If, on the other hand, we are independently assertive in our thoughts, feelings, and behavior, we reserve the final judgement of actions, even the positive ones, to ourselves. Such an assertive attitude does not make you loath to accept compliments and praise, but only to be the ultimate judge of the accuracy of such praise.
書里這個想法與我自己之前的一些思考相符。我們應該把判斷權交給自己。如果對別人的表揚無論準確與否都照單全收，那么同樣地，別人的批評無論準確與否我們也必須在心里照單全收。討巧的雙重標準是不存在，只會讓自己變得越來越沒有判斷力，被別人的心情和判斷牽著鼻子走。
