我總結(jié)了大家在作文中普遍出現(xiàn)的8類問題。建議大家都通讀一遍這8類問題。
同時(shí)對應(yīng)的字母和數(shù)字查找自己作文中的問題。比如如果自己的作文有O2的提示，就是文章寫的有點(diǎn)凌亂，缺少特別清晰的思路，可能是因?yàn)閷懼皼]有很好的規(guī)劃。
查找順序：
(1)A for Attention; (2)i for Introduction; (3)B for Body Paragraph;
(4)E for Example; (5)O for Organization; (6)C for Conclusion;
(7)G for Grammar; (8)W for Word and Phrase.
A. Attention 請注意
I strongly doubt if you put any real effort into writing this essay. I hope you could make it much better. Aristotle once said, “We are what we repeatedly do.”
（應(yīng)該完全沒有在認(rèn)真對待這篇文章。你應(yīng)該可以寫出遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)好過這篇的文章。）I think you made a bad decision and just copied stuff on the Internet.
（應(yīng)該是在抄襲網(wǎng)上范文。這么做對提高寫作效果不大。如果你沒有思路，可以先用漢語寫出來，再進(jìn)行翻譯。）
i. Introduction Paragraph 開頭段
The opening sentence is a little commonplace, and could be more creative and impressive. You don’t get the second chance to make the first impression.
(開頭第一句有點(diǎn)平淡，無法展示才華震撼讀者。第一印象很重要。)
e.g. Nowadays there are a lot of temptation in our daily lives.
(A slightly better version by me :)
“I can resist anything except temptation,” Oscar Wilde once observed. It may be safe to say that human beings are not good at resisting temptation, especially in recent years with the Internet as an ultimate temptation that is hard to avoid. However, it is also safe to say that many good habits result from temptation.The opening sentence feels quite mechanical, and feels like a model essay online.
(開頭句讀起來比較生硬，太像網(wǎng)上流傳的范文。)
e.g. With the development of economy and technology, people now have to face a lot of temptation.There is no thesis statement.
(缺少主旨句。)Digress! The thesis statement doesn’t meet the requirement of the essay.
(跑題，寫的主旨句不符合題目要求。相當(dāng)危險(xiǎn)，需要在寫草稿階段及時(shí)制止自己。）The thesis statement is vague, and it could be more clear and specific.
(主旨句太模糊，應(yīng)該更清晰)
e.g. Therefore, it is necessary to form good habits.
(Comment: 主題句缺少了temptation這一重點(diǎn)內(nèi)容。可以寫成 It is necessary to resist the temptation if we want to develop good lifestyle habits.）The thesis statement is too specific, and could be more general.
(主旨句太過具體，導(dǎo)致話題太窄，有可能給自己挖坑。主旨句應(yīng)該更寬泛一些，這樣中間段選取例子的范圍更靈活，更好寫一些。)The introduction paragraph is too short to impress the reader.
(開頭段過短。應(yīng)該有一句在語法和詞匯方面比較復(fù)雜的亮點(diǎn)句，去展示自己的語言能力。不一定是開篇第一句，參考i1的例子，第二句用了一個(gè)較復(fù)雜的with結(jié)構(gòu)，里面還有定語從句。）The introduction paragraph is too long, leaving less space for the body paragraph.
（開頭段過長，使3段議論文有點(diǎn)不協(xié)調(diào)，可以參考”鳳頭豬肚豹“的比喻。）
B. Body Paragraph 中間段
There is no topic sentence to lead and introduce each supporting example. You’d better not start with “for example”.
(第二段不要以For example開頭，先有中心句，告訴讀者你用什么類型的例子支持第一段的主旨句，然后再舉例子。)The topic sentence is too vague, and could be more specific.
(中心句太模糊，更清楚的告訴讀者你的支撐論點(diǎn)是什么，如何支撐主旨句。)The topic sentence is too much like the thesis statement. The topic sentence in 2nd paragraph should be a supporting point for the thesis statement, instead of being a reworded thesis statement, which should be for the summary in the conclusion.
(第二段兩個(gè)支撐點(diǎn)的中心句，不是主旨句的重寫，而是主旨句的兩個(gè)分論點(diǎn)。結(jié)論段里的總結(jié)句，才是主旨句的重寫。）The body paragraph is too short. You should write at least 120 words (6 sentences) for the body paragraph.
(中間段太短，至少需要寫6句話，120詞）Each sentence is too short and simple. There is not an impressive sentence with advanced grammar and vocabulary.
(中間段缺少亮點(diǎn)。應(yīng)該至少有一個(gè)較長的，20詞以上的句子，包含從句以及較為復(fù)雜的詞匯。）The argument is not logical enough.
（論證有些缺乏邏輯。）
E. Example 例證
This example does not support your thesis.
(這個(gè)例子不是很能證明文章的主旨）The example is not linked to the topic sentence very adequately. You should say how exactly your example can prove your argument.
(沒有解釋清楚例子是如何與中心句相關(guān)聯(lián)的。應(yīng)該非常明確的說清楚你的例子是如何證明你的論點(diǎn)的。）
e.g.
Firstly, every day we need to relax our body and recover our energy by sleeping. However, there are many interesting entertainment activities, such as computer games, social network websites, online shopping and so on. We need to control ourselves to get good sleep then have energy the next day. Secondly, eating habits…
(Comment: 可以改成 We need to control ourselves to resist all the temptation of these attractive entertainment every night, so that we can sleep early and be energetic the next day. 這樣才會清楚的說明抵抗誘惑的作用。)
3、 The example might be too oversimplified, even for a essay of CET 4 and 6. You could write with more interesting details.
（即便是以英語四六級考試作文的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，這個(gè)例子也似乎太過表面化了。可以寫的更具體，更多一些細(xì)節(jié)。）
O. Organization (Being Coherent and Cohesive ) 結(jié)構(gòu)，組織，銜接
The transition is too abrupt. There is a lack of coherence or proper transitional phrases.
（轉(zhuǎn)折的太突然，前后兩句看不出來有明顯的關(guān)聯(lián)。缺乏意義上的連貫，或者是缺乏適當(dāng)?shù)倪^渡短語。）The essay is a little messy, maybe because you didn’t do the brainstorming well enough, or didn’t brainstorm on the draft at all, which I advise against constantly in our class.
(整篇文章有點(diǎn)凌亂，可能在打草稿階段沒有想清楚文章的結(jié)構(gòu)，沒有想起初自己到底要寫什么。也可能完全跳過了草稿，直接在答題紙上寫。我上課反復(fù)希望大家不要這樣。）
C. Conclusion Paragraph 結(jié)尾段
The summary of the restatement in the conclusion paragraph should be a little bit different from the thesis statement. There should not be two sentences that are totally identical.
(雖然說結(jié)尾段需要有一句主旨句重寫，但也應(yīng)該稍微變化下。一篇文章里最后不要有一模一樣的兩句話。)The last sentence of your essay should be fairly impressive, because it may be the last sentence before the grader decides your grade.
(文章的最后一句也應(yīng)該有些亮點(diǎn)，無論是在內(nèi)容上還是在語言上，因?yàn)樗赡苁窃u分人給出分?jǐn)?shù)錢看的最后一句話。）
G. Grammar 語法
The sentence lacks the subject or the verb.
(句子缺少主語或者謂語部分。仔細(xì)分析下這句的主謂賓成分）
e.g. Many students can’t overcome temptation and leads them to sleep very late.
(Analysis: lead 的主語是？可以改成 Many students can’t overcome temptation, and this leads them to sleep very late. 或者 Many students can’t overcome temptation, which leads them to sleep very late.）Verbs are not used correctly.
(動詞部分有語法錯(cuò)誤，是不是最基本的單三或者時(shí)態(tài)有誤？看是否應(yīng)該變換成不定式，ing，或者加上一個(gè)從句）
e.g The habits that get up early and concentrate on the work us very necessary for us.
(Analysis: get, concentrate和habits的關(guān)系是？可以改成 It is necessary for us college students to cultivate the habits such as getting up early and concentrating.)The word sequence is not grammatically correct.
(詞匯的語序不合乎語法規(guī)則。再復(fù)習(xí)下疑問句，從句，倒裝句的語序問題。)Run-on sentences. There should be some conjunctions.
（冗長句，應(yīng)該使用連詞把句子合理地結(jié)合在一起。再復(fù)習(xí)下三種基本句子類型：簡單句，復(fù)合句，復(fù)雜句。）As far as this essay is concerned, you should improve your grammar.
(僅從這篇文章來判斷，應(yīng)該加強(qiáng)下語法知識。我個(gè)人比較推薦《朗文英語語法》，里面語法體系的分類和例句比較合適。)
W. Word and Phrase 詞匯
The word or the phrase here cannot express what you want to mean. Or the usage of the word or the phrase is problematic.
(詞匯意思不合適，并不能表達(dá)出你想表達(dá)的意思?；蚴怯梅ㄓ姓`，介詞，動賓，主謂搭配可能存在問題。請查下詞典進(jìn)行確認(rèn)。）
e.g. Students find all kinds of excuses to delay time.
（比較典型的中式英語，對拖延時(shí)間進(jìn)行直譯?？梢該Q成delay doing their assignments。關(guān)于delay的具體用法可以查學(xué)習(xí)型詞典進(jìn)一步了解）Spelling mistake.
（拼寫錯(cuò)誤，請查下詞典。）The part of speech is chosen wrongly.
（詞性使用錯(cuò)誤。尤其是動詞、名次、形容詞容易出現(xiàn)錯(cuò)誤。請復(fù)習(xí)下九種詞性，和他們應(yīng)該能夠充當(dāng)?shù)恼Z法成分。）Your vocabulary and knowledge about words and phrases should be improved by making the best of the dictionaries that I have recommended.
（詞匯知識需要進(jìn)一步提高，在背單詞表的同時(shí)，應(yīng)該盡可能的多使用我推薦過的那些詞典。）
