朋友們晚上好，又到了一周一度講笑話的時候。
交響樂團里有四大件，弦樂，木管，銅管和打擊樂器。
一般來說我們排列組合都是這樣：
但當想皮一下的時候你會這樣
這樣：
當你在排練區放一個吧臺就會這樣：
本周的特別曲目：Peter And The Wolf? ！
(標題是網易云音樂的鏈接)
peter and the wolf是俄國作曲家prokofiev晚年突發奇想為小朋友做的，以交響樂器作為角色的音樂劇。
let me tell you a story, this is the story of peter and the wolf, it’s a musical story, where the characters are represented by different instruments of the orchestra, for example:
笛子代表鳥兒
The bird, is represented by the flute,
笛子的聲音清亮而空靈，他的遠房親戚短笛（piccolo）更是令人聞風喪膽的耳膜殺手。
笛子和短笛都是純銅制造，雖然他們還是叫做木管樂器。而且特別的是，笛子是少數不需要簧的木管樂器。
雙簧管是鴨子
The duck, by the oboe,
Oboe的聲音穿透力很強，有一種魯迅寫的剪刀腿女士的凌厲質感。說是鴨子也不錯，因為聽起來扁扁的。因為很強勢的緣故所以擔當吹奏交響樂定音“A”的榮譽角色。
雙簧管還有個哥們叫做cor anglais又稱英國管，聲音略微低沉但音色沒有很大差別，口子上比雙簧管多了一個“包”。
單簧管是貓
The cat, by the clarinet,
雙簧管和單簧管的音色區別其實很大。單簧管反而和笛子比較相近，音色有一種“hollow（中空）”的感覺，有點像帶著鼻音。
巴松管是祖父
The grandfather by the bassoon.
巴松管的音色十分干癟和低沉，就像一個老爺爺在說話。它也是雙簧的，所以說其實是oboe（雙簧管）和cor anglais（英國管）的大哥。
狼由圓號出演
The wolf by the horns
圓號是一個多變的樂器，如果你將它大力吹奏或是muted，音色將會很大程度上改變。一般來說銅管樂器都先天帶有氣泡音和豪放氣質，有點像含著一口水大聲說話的感覺，但圓號在muted的時候會變得柔和順滑。圓號還有個外號是口水收集器，我音樂老師當年學習圓號可是要拿個臉盆在下面接水的。。。但其實倒出來的水大多是圓號里聚集的水蒸氣
圓號叫做“french horn（法國號）“但其實流著更多的德國血統。因為德國號可以在不同調上演奏，在歐式交響樂團里的圓號在20世紀已經大量替換成了比法國號角要先進的多的德國號，也就是現代圓號。
故事的主人公彼得是由整個弦樂部分代表的
And the hero of our story, Peter,? is represented by the string,
弦樂一般包含了第一小提琴，第二小提琴，大提琴，低音大提琴，有時還有一個富含了喜劇色彩天天被大家找樂子的醬油～中提琴。第一小提琴一般演奏旋律，而其中的樂隊首席更是統領弦樂部直至交響樂團一同與指揮家溝通的重要角色。第二小提琴為旋律合聲。
大多數人分不清小提琴和中提琴。其實他們的音程隔著整整五度，且中提琴的體型略大，音色更加溫暖醇厚。其實我個人是很喜歡的，同情被無故圍攻的violist們哈哈。
獵人們由木管們代言
The hunters by the woodwinds.
木管樂器大多上面都講到了，但要注意還有一個奇葩——薩克斯！這貨居然是木管樂器，你能相信嗎？
定音鼓演奏獵人的來福槍
The hunters' rifle by the timpani.
定音鼓作為鼓類中的奇葩，是有音高的。樂手可以通過踩踏板的方式來調整鼓面的松緊從而改變鼓面震動的頻率。當然，我最喜歡的還是它的這種演奏方式。
最后附上Peter And The Wolf的完整字幕。簡單來說，故事線就是彼得早上推開門看到了小鳥和鴨子在互相嘲笑對方不會飛／不會游泳。過來了一只貓想吃掉小鳥，但在貓爬到樹上的過程中彼得提醒了小鳥讓它逃走了。彼得的爺爺出來說這里很危險，有狼怎么辦，彼得不聽但還是被爺爺拽了進去。這是狼真的來了，把貓嚇到了樹上還把鴨子吃了。彼得和小鳥聯手把狼制服了，在獵人的幫助下關進了動物園。被活活吞下去的鴨子還在狼的肚子里叫呢！
祝大家聽得開心。
Early one morning, Peter opened the gate and walked out into the big green meadow. On a branch of a big tree sat a little bird, Peter’s friend. “All is quiet”, chirped the bird happily.
Just then a duck came waddling round. She was glad that Peter had not closed the gate and decided to take a nice swim in the deep pond in the meadow.
Seeing the duck, the little bird flew down upon on the grass, settled next to her and shrugged his shoulders: “What kind of bird are you if you can’t fly?” said he. To this the duck replied: “What kind of bird are you if you can’t swim?” and dived into the pond.
They argued and argued, the duck swimming in the pond and the little bird hopping along the shore. Suddenly, something caught Peter’s attention. He noticed a cat crawling through the grass. The cat thought: “That little bird is busy arguing, I’ll just grab him. Stealthily, the cat crept towards him on her velvet paws.
“Look out!” shouted Peter and the bird immediately flew up into the tree, while the duck quacked angrily at the cat, from the middle of the pond. The cat walked around the tree and thought, “Is it worth climbing up so high? By the time I get there the bird will have flown away.”
Just then grandfather came out. He was upset because Peter had gone in the meadow. “It’s a dangerous place. If a wolf should come out of the forest, then what would you do?” But Peter paid no attention to his grandfather’s words. Boys like him are not afraid of wolves.
But grandfather took Peter by the hand, led him home and locked the gate. No sooner had Peter gone, than a big grey wolf came out of the forest.
In a twinkling the cat climbed up the tree. The duck quacked, and in her excitement jumped out of the pond. But no matter how hard the duck tried to run, she couldn’t escape the wolf. He was getting nearer, nearer, catching up with her. Then he got her, and with one gulp, swallowed her.
And now, this is how things stood: the cat was sitting on one branch, the bird on another ... not too close to the cat. And the wolf walked around and around the tree, looking at them with greedy eyes.
In the meantime, Peter, without the slightest fear, stood behind the closed gate watching all that was going on. He ran home, got a strong rope, and climbed up the high stone wall.
One of the branches of the tree, around which the wolf was walking, stretched out over the wall.
Grabbing hold of the branch, Peter lightly climbed over on to the tree. Peter said to the bird: “Fly down and circle over the wolf’s head. Only take care that he doesn’t catch you.”
The bird almost touched the wolf’s head with his wings while the wolf snapped angrily at him, from this side and that.
How the bird worried the wolf! How he wanted to catch him! But the bird was clever, and the wolf simply couldn’t do anything about it.
Meanwhile, Peter made a lasso and, carefully letting it down, caught the wolf by the tail and pulled with all his might.
Feeling himself caught, the wolf began to jump wildly trying to get loose.
But Peter tied the other end of rope to the tree, and the wolf’s jumping only made the rope around his tail tighter.
Just then, the hunters came out of the woods, following the wolf’s trail and shooting as they went.
But Peter, sitting in the tree, said: “Don’t shoot! Birdie and I have already caught the wolf. Now help us take him to the zoo.”
And now, imagine the triumphant procession: Peter at the head; after him the hunters leading the wolf; and winding up the procession, grandfather and the cat.
Grandfather shook his head discontentedly: “Well, and if Peter hadn’t caught the wolf? What then?”
Above them flew Birdie chirping merrily. “My, what brave fellows we are, Peter and I! Look what we have caught!”
And if you listen very carefully, you can still hear the duck quacking inside the wolf’s belly, because in all his excitement, he had swallowed her alive!
