Q&A
1. Why saying no is important? Have you
had a hard time of turning down someone’s
request( for example, you wanted to say no, but what came out of your mouth was yes, and next day you kicked yourself for saying yes) ? Please include a personal story.
If we say yes to everything, we stand for? nothing and we may value nothing. in the? shortterm saying yes makes to everything makes us feel better about ourselves, but in the long term it will make us feel rudderless ,directionless and meaningless about our life.
Once one of my colleagues asked me to do her a favor to have several classes for her because of she met something urgent. I was really busy then and had no time to? take care of her things .However I said yes. Because I was afraid she would be? disappointed with me and our friendship? would be affected. I felt exhausted and? overwhelmed those days .And to some? point, I hated myself by doing something I really didn’t want to do
2. Why Saint Petersburg was one of the Mark’s favorite trips?
Because the Russian culture appreciates? bluntness. At first the author didn’t feel? comfortable about their frankness, but then he experienced a particular freedom: the ability to say whatever he thought or felt, without fear of repercussion.
3. Why commitment gives you freedom?
Because commitment makes people no? longer distracted by unimportant an? frivolous and hones people’s attention and focus, directing then toward what is most efficient at making you healthy and happy. It removes fear of missing out and makes decisionmaking easier and allows you focus intently on a few highly important goals and achieve a greater degree of success.
4. How to build trust?
Trust is based on conflict. The pain of conflict in our relationship is necessary to cement our trust in each other and produce greater intimacy.
New words and expressions:
1. There is a bluntness to Russian culture that generally rubs Westerners the wrong way.
rub sb the wrong way/rub sb up the wrong way: to annoy someone by the things you say or do, usually without intending to 〔一般指無意地〕惹惱某人，觸怒某人
eg: The way she smiles all the time really rubs me the wrong way
2. Traver is a fantastic self-development tool, because it extricates you from your culture and shows you…
extricate: v,to escape from a difficult or embarrassing situation, or to help someone escape ; to remove someone from a place in which they are trapped 使擺脫，使脫離,解救，救出
extricate yourself/sb from sth
eg: How was he going to extricate himself from this dilemma?
3.I am rejecting trashing my friends behind their backs.(熟詞生義)
trash: to criticize someone or something very severely especially嚴厲批評，抨擊
eg:That actor became furious when hearing some directors trashing his new movie.
4:the trust-breaker admits the true values that caused? the breach and owns up to them..
owns up: v. admit or acknowledge a wrongdoing or error坦白，承認
eg: People will respect you more if you own up to your problem。
My thoughts:
The desire to avoid rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and conflict, the desire to attempt to accept everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement.
Rejection is an important and crucial life skill.
都說學會拒絕是一門藝術，但是拒絕真的很難，尤其是在親人和朋友之間。很贊同作者的觀點，逃避拒絕 is a kind of entitlement.反思自己的生活，發現自己就是一個不會拒絕的人，只要別人提出幫忙，不管自己有沒有時間自己有多累總是滿口答應，結果總是把自己的生活搞得亂七八糟。有種自虐的感覺，有時候會自問，何必呢，何必要活的這么累，活的這么假？甚至還自我安慰的說與人方便自己方便。其實就是膽小，就是害怕。害怕別人對我不滿，害怕危害到自己所謂的人際關系，所以委曲求全的用自己所謂的kindness來維系這種關系，失去了自我。說白了就是傻！也許從某些方面講還是因為自己不夠強大，不夠自信吧！
