Confront in Truth, Affirm in Love
直面真相時，愛中有確信
Jul 26, 2017
“A word of encouragement does wonders!”(Proverbs 12:25b TLB).
“一句良言，使心歡樂。”（箴言12：25b 和修）
A healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs: confronting in truth and affirming in love. If you only have one of these legs in your relationship, it isn’t going to stand. It will fall over at just about anything!
一個健康而穩固的人際關系通常要靠“兩條腿”站立：要說出真相，并在愛中給對方確信。若你在人際關系中只有其中的一條腿，就會站立不住。遇到任何困難它都會搖搖欲墜！
The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. If I were to come to you today and say, “Let’s go have some coffee. I want to point out the areas in your life that need changing,” you would not be thanking me for it. You’d be saying, “Who do you think you are?” You’d be resentful, rebellious, resistant, and stubborn. You would be miserable, because when you share the truth, at first it hurts. Sometimes a surgeon has to cut out a cancer in order for a body to heal.
真理會使你得自由，但它會先讓你經歷苦痛。如果我今天對你說：“我們一起喝杯咖啡吧。我想告訴你，你生命中還有哪些地方需要改變。”你可能不會對我感激涕零。可能你會說：“你以為你是誰？”你可能會憤怒，叛逆，抗拒以及固執。你可能會苦不堪言，因為當人指出真相的時候，首先它會造成傷害。有時候，外科醫生必須切除患癌癥的部分，身體才能得以恢復。
When you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you begin and end on a positive note, and you affirm three things:
當你和別人正在進行一場“愛的真相談話”的時候，你要從積極的角度開始和結束談話，并且需要在三件事上給對方確信：
1. Affirm that you love and care for that person.
1. 確信你愛和關心這個人。
2. Affirm that you will pray for and help that person.
2. 確信你會禱告并且幫助這個人。
3. Affirm that you believe that person can change.
3. 確信你相信這個人會改變。
Paul did this in 1 and 2 Corinthians. In both books, he begins and ends with affirmation. For example: Paul begins his first letter by saying, “I always thank God for you,”and at the end of the book he says, “My love to all of you in Christ Jesus.”Between that he’s dealing with some very tough truths. He begins and ends on a positive note, but he also includes affirmation like this in the middle of his second letter:“I have great confidence in you, and I have a lot of reasons to be proud of you”(2 Corinthians 7:4a GW).
保羅在哥林多前后書中正是這樣做的。在這兩卷書中，他在開頭和結尾都有這樣確信的聲明。例如：保羅在第一封信的開始說：“我常為你們感謝神”，并在書的結尾說到：“我在基督耶穌里的愛與你們同在！”在兩者中間的部分，他處理了一些非常棘手的真相。他從積極的角度開始和結束，而在他第二封信的中間部分也包含如下的確信：“我對你們很是放心，（譯注：此處有“而且”）多多夸耀你們”（林后 7：4a 和修）。
Notice that Paul used the word “and.” You should never use the word “but” in a confrontation. The moment you do, whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated: “I think you’re a great person, but . . .” “We’ve been friends a long time, but . . .” Instead, use the word “and”: “You’re a great person, and I believe you can be even better.” “We’ve got a great relationship, and I believe there are some things we need to work on.” That’s what it means to affirm someone.
注意保羅的用詞——“而且”。絕對不要在沖突中使用“但是”。用它的那一刻，無論你在之前和之后說了什么，都會被忽略不計，前功盡棄：“我覺得你是個不錯的人，但是……” “我們成為朋友已經很久了，但是……” 應當使用“而且”：“你是個很好的人，而且我相信你會變得更好。” “我們的關系很好，而且我相信有一些事情我們可以一起努力。”這就是給某人確信的意思。
Talk It Over
討論問題
What are some practical ways you can plan what you’re going to say when you confront someone?
你可否提前想想一些實際的方法，來幫助你在面對沖突的時候知道如何跟他人講話？
How has someone used affirmation when correcting you in the past? How did it make you feel?
過去其他人指出你過去犯的錯誤時，有沒有使用確信的聲明的？你聽到時感覺如何？
Why does the truth sometimes hurt?
為什么真相有時帶來傷害？
