妻子、情人、朋友，這是錢鐘書對妻子楊絳的定位，也大概是一個男人能想象得到的最美好的伴侶形象。

但我們很多時候卻吝嗇于對自己的愛人道一聲，情人節快樂。原因可能只是不好意思開口，或覺得夫妻關系完全不同于情人關系。但兩者真就那么不同嗎？至少在錢鐘書的眼里，妻子、情人還有朋友這三者的關系是融為一體的。

夫妻關系是一個種最特殊的人際關系，但也具有普通人際關系的一般共性，說親密可以親密無間，說分手也能反目成仇。在這一點上夫妻關系里的人并不比普通關系里的人更具有人際關系上的絕對優勢。

而如果要讓這份相對優勢也能穩固長久，那最好的辦法就是不妨放下這種優勢感，只把這種最親密的關系當做普通的人際關系來經營就好。

首先是朋友，其次是情人，最后才是夫妻。只有時刻想著我們的關系其實沒有那么穩固和親密，我們的關系才可能長久的穩固和親密。

這大概就是人際關系，尤其是夫妻關系中的居安思危吧。

Wife, lover and friend, this is qian zhongshu's positioning of his wife Yang jiang, and it is probably the most beautiful companion image that a man can imagine.

But a lot of times we are too stingy to say happy valentine's day to our loved ones.The reason may be just embarrassed to talk, or feel that the relationship is completely different from the lover relationship.?But is it really that different??At least in Qian Zhongshu's eyes, ?the relationship of wife, lover and friend is integrated.

The relationship between husband and wife is a kind of most special interpersonal relationship, but it also has the general commonness of ordinary interpersonal relationship.it is said that intimacy can be intimate, and breakup can also turn into enmity.At this point, the person in the husband and wife relationship does not have the absolute advantage of the interpersonal relationship than the person in the ordinary relationship.?

And if you want this comparative advantage to be stable for a long time, the best thing to do is to let go of this sense of superiority and just run the closest relationship as an ordinary relationship.

The first is a friend, the second is a lover, and the last is a husband and wife.?Only by always thinking that our relationship is not so strong and close can our relationship be stable and intimate for a long time.?

This is probably the vigilance of relationships, especially couples.