如果你還在糾結“老媽和女朋友掉水里先救誰”這種問題，那你真的是上一個時代的人了。
現在，流行掉水里的是輔導員好嗎？
“如果你的輔導員掉進了水里，那你的專業能干些什么？”一起看看這些神回答吧，笑哭……
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Economics
?當然是讓市場這只看不見的手拉他一把呀。
Use Market the Invisible Hand to pull him up, of course.
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Simultaneous Interpretation
輔導員：救命啊！
我：Help!
輔導員：誰來救救我啊？
我：Can anybody help me?
輔導員：我不會游泳！
我：I can't swim!
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Fashion Design
把這悲傷的記憶做到下一季的靈感板里面。
Put this sad memory on next season's mood board.
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Graphic Design
打開PS，使用魔棒工具選擇水中的輔導員，用 ctrl 和 alt 兩個快捷鍵調整輔導員的細節，新建一張干爽的地面，新建一個復制圖層。
Open Photoshop. Use Wand tool to select the counselor. Use the hot keys Ctrl and Alt to alter the details of him. Create a new layer with dry ground in it. Make a copy layer.
嗯，這是最快的辦法，雖然輔導員會掉不少頭發，不過他現在上岸了。
Right, this is the fastest way. Although he'll lose a lot of hair, he is on the land now, safe and sound.
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Tourism Management
各位游客大家好。我們走近看一下，這里是我們輔導員落水的地方，大家可以拿出手機和相機拍照，10塊錢一張，記得在后面排隊哦。
Attention guys. Let's have a closer look here. This is where the counselor fell into water. You can take out your phones or your cameras to take some photos. The price for each shot is 10 RMB. Please stay in a queue.
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Media Studies
幫學校辟謠。“我們并沒有這個輔導員。”
Help the school deny it. "There was no such a counselor here."
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Animation
導員兒啊！你看我渲染的這個水面，和你看到的是不是一樣啊？你看你看，還支持水花呢！
Mr. Counselor! Look at this water surface that I just rendered. Is it the same of what you see there? Look! It even supports the spray effect!
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Clinical Psychology
如果他會游泳，等他上岸了給他做個PTSD心理疏導。
If he can swim, I'll wait for him to get on the land again and do a PTSD counseling with him.?
如果他不會游泳，那就去給他的家人做心理疏導好了。
If he cannot swim, I guess I can go and do a PTSD counseling with his family.
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Biological Engineering
加入大量乙醚，利用溶解性和密度的差異把輔導員萃取出來。
Add a lot of diethyl ether, extract the counselor out by manipulating the difference of solubleness and density.
如果輔導員掉在河里找不見了，可以減壓蒸餾減少一下河水的量。
If I already can't see him in the river, I can do a reduced pressure distillation to get rid of some water.
也可以先做個核磁，看看這是不是我的輔導員，他可能發生了分子內重排。
Or maybe we should do MR scanning first to see if he is still my counselor since he may have experienced intramolecular rearrangement.
其實我也不介意直接在加了輔導員的河水里開個反應，他可能可以當催化劑。
Of course, I won't mind to just start a reaction in the water in which the counselor has been added. He may work as a catalyst.
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Elementary Education
小朋友們，輔導員老師掉到水里了，太危險了！我趕快來想想辦法吧！我們可以找大象哥哥來幫忙，他可以把輔導員撈上來。我們也可以找河馬叔叔來幫忙，他可以把輔導員拖上來。大家快開動自己的小腦袋瓜，想想我們還能用什么辦法把輔導員老師救上來吧。
Attention, kids!?Mr. Counselor has just fallen into the river.?This is very, very dangerous.?Let's find a way to save him.?We can ask Mr. Elephant to salvage him.?We can also ask Uncle Hippo to pull him up.?Now, use your little brains. Do we have other ways to save Mr. Counselor from drowning?
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Human Resource Management
招聘人來撈他。
Hire people to salvage him.?
培訓撈他的人。
Train these people.?
給撈他的人打績效，給錢激勵那些努力撈的人，辭退撈不著的人。
Manage their performance.?Use extra money to motivate those who work hard.?Fire those who failed to salvage him.?
按照掉河規律制定打撈用人規劃。
Do some human resource planning for the salvage job based on his regularity of falling.
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Computer Science
重新定義一個輔導員。
Redefine Counselor.
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Chinese Language and Literature
遂著《撈師表》。
Write an article called Memorial on Salvaging the Counselor.
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Philosophy
首先我們要回答一個問題：輔導員的本質是什么？
First, we need to answer a question: What is the essence of a counselor?
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Information Safety
屏蔽附近所有的通訊設備，阻止有人報警。
Screen all the communication equipments in this area. Prevent anyone from calling the police.
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Finance
估算一下他的剩余價值和可變現凈值。
Estimate his surplus value and net realizable value.
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Painting
給他畫個像吧。但是一切發生得太快了，可能只能畫出印象派的。
Paint a portrait for him. But this is happening too fast. I guess I can only make it in the impressionistic way.
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Software Engineering
讓他再重現一次掉落過程，我好找bug。
Let him reproduce the process of falling into water, so that I can find where the bug is.
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Water Supply and Sewerage Engineering
你算是問對人了。當然是把水處理得干凈一點呀。
Yeah, you're asking the right person. I'll surely make the water cleaner.
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Physics
輔導員不會憑空產生，也不會憑空消失，只能從一種形式的輔導員轉換為另一種形式的輔導員。其過程中，輔導員的總量保持不變。
A counselor cannot be created or destroyed. It just switches from one form of existence to another. The total amount of counselors stays the same in this process.
同學們，考驗你們專業水平的時候到了！
面對落水的輔導員同志，你們還能做些什么？
