2017-05-03 冰清 譯 冰清思語集
文章作者：John Rampton
文章來源：領 英
翻 ? ?譯：冰 清
Since Spring has finally sprung, it's time to do a little spring cleaning. And what better place to start than with the people in your life?
春天終于到來，是時候來個大掃除了。還有什么比清掃一下你的朋友圈作為更好的開始呢？
This has been something I try to do each year. While it's not always easy, it's necessary for me to become more successful at the many tasks I have to complete in my life.
這是我每年都嘗試做的事情，盡管并不容易，但是很有必要，它可以使我必須要完成的人生使命變得更加順利。
Whether it's a family member, friend, or colleague, there are certain people in your life that you need to avoid, or at least limit your time with. I'm not saying you have to become a loner. But you should reevaluate your relationships if you want to become successful. Remember, emotions，both good and bad， are contagious.
無論是家人、朋友還是同事, 你生活中的某些人, 你確實需要回避, 或者至少限制和他們相處的時間。我不是說你必須成為獨來獨往的人，但如果你想成功, 就應該重新評估你的人際關系。記住,無論是積極情緒還是消極情緒都會相互傳染。
Keep in mind, this isn't meant to be heartless (though it may feel that way at times), but to build you up in the long term.
What kinds of people should you avoid? Here are nine of the most toxic personalities.
同時記住，這并非讓你要做一個冷血動物（盡管有時確實會有這種感覺），而是讓你放眼長觀，做一個更好的自己。
你應該和哪些人保持距離呢？和以下這九種自帶病毒之人。
1. The control freak.控制狂
While there are times when you need to take the reigns of a project or situation, successful people realize they need the assistance of others to achieve their goals. But a control freak is set in his ways and unwilling to bend -- even if that means making you miss a deadline or stay several hours after work to meet his demands. He's bossy, manipulative, a perfectionist, obsessed with details, and he targets those who won't stand up for themselves.
當你需要接管一個項目或者處理某種情況的時候，明智的人善假于物，利用別人的幫助達成目標。但是控制狂卻一意孤行，不愿委曲求人，這就意味著你在截止期限時依舊無法完成任務或者要多加幾個小時的班來滿足他的要求。他專橫, 善于控制他人,力求完美, 癡迷于細節, 他專門對付不堅守自己立場的人。
2. The loser 失敗者
Brian Tracy one said, "Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?'"
As a rule, successful people don't associate themselves with losers. The reason? They can hold you back from reaching your full potential, damage your reputation, and bring out the worst in you. Instead, they surround themselves with people who are positive, hard-working, and push you to be your best.At the same time, don't confuse failing and being a failure. Those who fail move forward after learning from their mistakes, while being a failure means that you're permanently in the same position.
Brian Tracy曾說“成功者總是找機會幫助別人，失敗者總是問，這和我有什么關系？”從規則上講，成功人士不喜歡與失敗者有任何社交聯系，為什么？因為失敗者會阻礙你發掘自己的潛力，損害你的名譽，給你帶來最壞的負能量。相反，成功者喜歡那些積極上進，善于吃苦的人，因為這些人能促使你成為最好的自己。同時，不要混淆失誤與失敗的概念。如果一個人因為失誤沒有成功，可以從失誤中吸取教訓，繼續前進，如果一個人自認失敗者，就意味著永遠在同一個位置裹足不前。
3. The time sucker.時間殺手
Have you been stuck in a conversation with someone who keeps talking and talking? At first, this may not seem like a bad deal, but these people are known as time suckers.
The problem with these people, even if they're positive and upbeat, is that they're taking up too much of your time. Instead of letting you get back to work, they keep you trapped in conversation. While I don't cut these people out of my life, I tend to try and spend much less time with them.
你有沒有被困在一場談話里，對方聊得無休無止令你無法抽身？表面看著并非壞事，但其實這些人就是時間殺手。
因為，即使他們的談話是積極的，樂觀的，也在占用你大量的時間，他們知道你要工作但就是拖住你不讓你工作，你困在這場局面中心急如焚。雖然我并不排斥這類人，但是還是盡量少花時間和他們相處。
4. The entitled.老資格
These people don't believe in hard work and sacrifice because they think their success should be given to them. This can be detrimental to your own motivation because: why should you hustle when they don't? Additionally, entitled individuals have a knack for talking you out of your dreams and ambitions. I personally can't stand these people and tend to run in the opposite direction whenever I spot one.
這類人從不信奉努力精神和犧牲精神，而是堅信有朝一日成功會主動垂青于他們。他們會削減你的斗志，令你不禁會想：為何我這么拼命努力他們卻坐享其成，此外，老資格會旁敲側擊的勸你放棄你的夢想和雄心。就我而言，我無法忍受這些人，當他們朝我走來的時候我會有意繞開。
5.The perpetual victim 永遠的受害者
This is the person who blames others for their failures or shortcomings and believes they weren't afforded the same opportunities. Even worse? They never hold themselves accountable for their lack of success and always have excuses.Being around this type of negative energy will only drag you down.
這種人永遠都在指責別人，認為是別人造成了他們的失敗或者缺陷，并認定自己不會擁有和別人同樣的機會。更糟糕的是，他們從不會在自己身上找原因，而是將不能成功歸咎于各種借口。
圍繞在這種充滿負能量的人周圍，你也會被他們拖垮。
6. The downer.事事沮喪者
know who this individual is. It's a beautiful sunny day, they just got paid, and they still have something to complain about -- they're getting sunburn or they pay too much in taxes. These types of people are emotionally draining. And, like perpetual victims, their negative energy will only stress you out.
你知道這種人是什么情況。享受著風和日麗的天氣，又剛剛領了薪水，但是他們依舊有事情抱怨——被陽光曬黑了，或者繳稅太多了，生活中的點點滴滴都可以影響他們的情緒，就像永遠的受害者一樣，他們的負能量同樣會帶給你負面情緒。
7. The chronic liar.習慣性撒謊者
"Lying is part and parcel of everyday life," says Robert Feldman, PhD., professor of psychological and brain sciences and deputy chancellor at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. But,when the lying gets out of control, it can become a problem.Successful people surround themselves with people who are honest and provide truthful feedback. Even if it's something you don't want to hear, that honest feedback is more valuable than the lie, since it can help you correct a problem or negative habits that you've never noticed before.
“撒謊是生活的一部分，” 馬薩諸塞大學阿默斯特分校的心理和腦科學教授兼副院長Robert Feldman如是說，但是如果撒謊已經到自己無法控制的地步，就肯定有問題。
成功人士會讓自己置身在誠實信用，能給他們提供真實反饋的人周圍。即使有時忠言逆耳，但也比虛假的反饋更有價值，因為真實的反饋能幫你找出問題，改正錯誤或者改正你之前從未察覺的壞習慣。
8. The party animal.派對狂
Sure, spending a Saturday night with a party animal can be fun -- occasionally. But party animals want to go out every night of the week, which means you wake up in the morning exhausted and hung over. How long do you think you can maintain that lifestyle?If you want to remain productive and save a ton of money, limit your exposure to party animals. It's cool to blow off some steam or celebrate once in awhile, but not every night.
當然，偶爾在周六的晚上和派對狂們在一起狂歡也是很大的樂趣，但是派對狂每天晚上都要搞聚會，這就意味著每天早晨起來都是筋皮力盡，半睡半醒。這樣的生活方式你以為你可以持續多久？
如果你想保持戰斗力，節省開支，就限制自己少去參加派對，偶爾出去舒緩一下壓力或者慶祝一下，但不是每天晚上。
9.The critic批判主義者
There's nothing wrong with a little bit of criticism. But only if it's constructive. After all, when done correctly, this type of feedback can help you correct a weakness. Constant criticism, on the other hand, is not healthy or helpful. As Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends, explains, "Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don't give anything back."
適度批判無可厚非，只要這種批判具有建設性。畢竟，如果正戳中你的軟肋，這種反饋可以幫助你指正缺點，認識自我。但是，從另一方面，無休止的批判不健康也無益處。《有毒朋友/真心朋友》一書的作者Florence Isaacs解釋說，“有毒朋友給你施加壓力，利用你，不靠譜，過分苛刻，只索取不付出”。
警告
“有毒朋友”就在身邊
紐約的瓊森曾深受“有毒朋友”的困擾。他說：“他們表面上與你很親近，實際上卻是要和你一較高下。在酒吧里，他們會笑著對你說，‘見到你真開心，雖然你工作近來不大順利，但看到你還能喝酒總是件好事。’對于這種假友誼還是趁早結束的好。”
杭州的太先生也深有感觸：“我的朋友經常讓我陪他在酒吧呆到很晚，我覺得反正自己也無事做，所以經常陪他，聽他抱怨。可我的建議他從來聽不進去，陪他卻弄得我精疲力竭 。后來，我很少再跟他聯系了。”
“有毒朋友”這個詞，現已得到美國心理學會認可，并且變得很流行，甚至成了奧普拉脫口秀節目（美國著名的電視節目）的主題，《有毒朋友，真心朋友》等相關書籍也登上了 美國暢銷書排行榜。
越來越多美國人意識到，朋友可能是讓他們感到不快樂的根源，專業的心理咨詢治療師的人數也在迅速增加。多年來，美國的咨詢師一直在指導人們如何修補朋友、情人、親人之間的裂痕。如今，向他們求助的人卻想知道，該如何擺脫正在毀掉自己生活的“有毒朋友”？
專家建議
定期清理朋友圈
獲取友誼是人的天性，我們只要在交往就會有朋友，也難免會出現“有毒朋友”。
上海的心理咨詢師顧愷頡說：“人們常說患難之中見真情，實質上應該說是患難之中見 真性。人們在苦難面前，相同的遭遇，相同的心境，不免會生同病相憐之心，自然而然會走 到一起，互相給予支持。而這就是我們稱的友誼或友情。”
盡管獲得友誼是人的本能，但我們也要抵制各種不良的友誼誘惑。顧愷頡建議，交友不 能盲目、泛濫，預防“有毒朋友”的最理性解決辦法是：定期靜下心來，好好盤點清理自己的朋友圈。
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