But by the end of that night I rememberedvery little. Let’s just say that I drank. Drank out of fear (she was so cruel).Drank out of happiness (she was so beautiful). Drank until my teeth and my whole mouth had turned a dark ruby red and the pungency of my breath and perspiration betrayed my passing years. And she drank, too. Onemezzolitroof the local swill became a fulllitro, and then twolitriand then a bottle of something possibly Sardinian but in any case thicker thanbull’s blood.

Enormous plates of food were needed to mopup this overindulgence. We thoughtfully chewed on the pig jowls of thebucatini all’amatriciana, slurped up a plate of spaghetti with spicy eggplant, andpicked apart a rabbit practically drowning in olive oil. I knew I would missall this when I got back to New York, even the horrible fluorescent lightingthat brought out my age—the wrinkles around my eyes,the single long highway and three county roads that run across my forehead,testaments to many sleepless nights spent worrying aboutunredeemed pleasures and my carefully hoarded income, but mostly about death.

I told her I didn’t want to leaveRomenow that I had mether.

She told me I was a nerd, but a nerd whomade her laugh.

I told her I wanted to do more than makeher laugh.

She told me I should be thankful forwhat I had.

I told her she should move toNew Yorkwith me.

She told me she was probably a lesbian.

I told her my work was my life, but Istill had room for love.

She told me love was out of thequestion.

I told her my parents were Russianimmigrants who lived inNew York.

She told me hers were Korean immigrantswho lived inFort Lee,New Jersey.

I told her my father was a retiredjanitor who liked to go fishing.

She told me her father was a podiatrist who liked to punch his wife and two daughters in the face.

“Oh,” I said. Eunice Park shrugged andexcused herself. On my plate, the rabbit’s little dead heart hung from withinhis rib cage. I put my head in my hands and wondered if I should just throwsome euros down on the table and walk out.

但那晚末了我差不多什么都不記得了。就只說那晚我喝酒了。因為恐懼（她那么殘酷），因為快樂（她那么美）。喝到最后，我牙齒和整張嘴都變得如同紅寶石般，呼吸局促，大汗淋漓，暴露了我已垂垂老矣。她也喝酒了。剛開始是半公升地方劣質酒，接著是一公升，然后是兩公升，最后是一瓶撒丁島之類的東西，顏色絕對比牛血還要鮮艷。

這場縱酒的結局是我們掃蕩了很多盤食物。我們細嚼慢咽了一大盤意大利番茄沙司加熏肉，狼吞虎咽了一盤意大利通心粉加辣茄子，然后撕開一只幾乎整個浸到橄欖油里的兔子。我知道回紐約后我肯定會想念這一切，哪怕討厭的熒光燈泄露的我的年齡——眼睛周圍的皺紋，仿佛一條長長的高速公路和三條鄉村小路在我額頭上縱橫交錯，證明我有很多個不眠之夜，為不能及時行樂而惆悵，為捉襟見肘而憂慮，但更多的是為死亡而悵惘。

我告訴她我不想離開羅馬，因為我遇見了她。

她說我是呆子，一個能讓她笑的呆子。

我說我不僅僅只想讓她笑。

她說我應該感激所擁有的。

我說她應該搬到紐約和我住。

她說她可能是個同性戀。

我說我的工作就是我的生活，但我仍然可以愛人。

她說談愛情是不可能的。

我告訴她我的父母是移民到紐約的俄國人。

她告訴我說她父母是住在新澤西州李堡的韓國移民。

我告訴她我父親是個退休的門警，喜歡釣魚。

她告訴我他父親是個足科醫生，愛打老婆，扇兩個女兒耳光。

我“哦”了一聲。尤尼斯·帕克聳肩自嘲。我盤子里，那顆小小的不再跳動的兔子心臟在胸腔里懸著。我把頭埋進手里，想我是否該在桌子扔些歐元然后走出去。