（說(shuō)明：英文部分是本人閱讀的摘錄，中文部分是本人的翻譯。是否屬于原創(chuàng)，請(qǐng)編輯自行定奪。）

1. My whole formerly estranged extended family is happy about it.

我先前就已經(jīng)離異的家庭整個(gè)家族對(duì)此都感到高興。

2. I started the National Anthem too high, and ended up sounding like a screechy but brittle blend of battlefield surgery and a pterodactyl with its tits in a wringer.

我開始唱國(guó)歌時(shí)起調(diào)太高，結(jié)果是聽起來(lái)像是戰(zhàn)地手術(shù)和一只乳房被絞扭的翼手龍的混合尖叫聲。

3? Indians, Asians, and Mexicans are competing for who can sleep the least. If you say one of them looks well rested, they will take it as an insult. Indians sleep five hours a night and Mexicans sleep four, but Asians sleep three. Asians sleep at work standing up. They can work in their sleep, standing at the cash register.

印度人，亞洲人和墨西哥人在比賽誰(shuí)睡覺睡得最少。如果你夸他們?nèi)魏我晃徽f(shuō)休息得很好，他們會(huì)認(rèn)為是一種侮辱。印度人每晚睡五小時(shí)，墨西哥人睡四小時(shí)，而亞洲人只睡三小時(shí)。亞洲人工作的時(shí)候站著都能睡著。他們可以站在收音機(jī)旁，邊睡邊干活。

4. One customer was a merry widow who had once perhaps been a blushing flower but was now in the twilight of her years, and her apartment had the gentility of an antebellum-South sitting room combined with the studio apartment of a recently paroled serial rapists.

有一名客戶是位風(fēng)流寡婦，她應(yīng)該曾經(jīng)貌美如花，不過(guò)現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)是美人遲暮。她的公寓有著一種南北戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)以前美國(guó)南方會(huì)客室的貴氣，又混雜著一名剛剛假釋出獄的強(qiáng)奸慣犯的單身公寓的氣息。

5. I was facing a Russian roulette of hormone-crazed pubescent theater-nerd lips.

我面對(duì)著這些戲劇系書呆子們那對(duì)荷爾蒙高漲青春期勃發(fā)的嘴唇，像賭俄羅斯輪盤那樣挑了一個(gè)。