本文是筆者對《Nonviolent Communication》(非暴力溝通）原版閱讀的學(xué)習(xí)筆記.
非暴力溝通推薦，用以下四步驟法，來表達(dá)憤怒：
1. Stop. Breathe. 停下來，深呼吸
? ? >to Stop and do nothing except to breathe
? ? >停止做任何事情，可以深呼吸。
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts. 識別我們評判性的想法。
? ? >Identify the thoughts that are making us angry
? ? >識別出是什么想法讓我們憤怒。
3.Connect with our needs.連接我們的需求
>Connect to the needs behind those thoughts.
>把這些想法背后的需求找出來。
4.Express our feelings and unmet needs.表達(dá)我們的感受和未被滿足的需求
>Open our mouth and speak the anger connected feelings and needs.?
>張開嘴巴，說出和我們的憤怒相關(guān)的感受和需求。
賞析Four Steps to Expressing Anger原文，雙語對照，譯文來自筆者自譯：
Let's look at what the process of fully expressing our anger actually requires in concrete form. The first step is to stop and do nothing except to breathe. We refrain from making any move to blame or punish the other person. We simply stay quiet.
我們來看看，完整地表達(dá)我們的憤怒的過程，需要一種怎樣的具體形式。第一步，停下來，除了呼吸，什么都別做。我們避免采取任何行動去責(zé)備或懲罰他人。我們只是保持安靜。
Then we identify the thoughts that are making us angry. For example, we overhear a statement that leads us to believe that we've been excluded from a conversation because of race. We sense anger, stop, and recognize the thoughts stirring in our head:"It's unfair to act like that. She's being racist."
然后（第二步），我們得找出那些讓我們生氣的想法。例如，我們無意中聽到某些人的某些對話，這讓我們認(rèn)為，我們由于自己的種族原因被排斥了。我們感覺到了憤怒，先停下來，意識到我們腦海中正在上下翻騰的想法:“這太不公平了！她這是種族歧視！”
We know that all judgments like these are tragic expressions of unmet needs, so we take the next step and connect to the needs behind those thoughts. If we judge someone to be racist, the need may be for inclusion, equality, respect, or connection.
我們知道，類似上面這種評判性的想法，是我們自身需求未得到滿足之后，產(chǎn)生的一種悲劇性的表達(dá)方式。因此，我們（應(yīng)該）采取下一步行動，將這些想法，和背后隱藏的自身需求連接起來。如果我們評判一個(gè)人是種族主義者，這反映了我們自身的需求是：包容、平等、尊重、連接。(譯者：這里闡述的是第三步)
To fully express ourselves, we now open our mouth and speak the anger - but the anger has been transformed into needs and need-connected feelings. To articulate these feelings may require a lot of courage. For me it's easy to get angry and tell people, "That was a racist thing to do!" In fact, I may even enjoy saying such things, but to get down to the deeper feelings and needs behind such a statement may be very frightening. To fully express our anger, we may say to the other person, "When you entered the room and started talking to the others and didn't say anything to me, and then made the comment about white people, I felt really sick to my stomach, and got so scared; it triggered off all kinds of needs on my part to be treated equally. I'd like you to tell me how you feel when I tell you this."
為了充分表達(dá)自己（在做好以上三步之后），我們現(xiàn)在可以張開嘴，說出憤怒了——但憤怒已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)化為需求，以及與需求相關(guān)的感受。表達(dá)這些感受需要很大的勇氣。對我來說，生氣然后告訴別人，“你們這是種族岐視!”是很容易的事。 事實(shí)上，我甚至可能喜歡如此氣呼呼地表達(dá)。但是，換一種表達(dá)方式，從而深入到這種氣呼呼的說法背后更深層次的感受和需求，可能是非常令人震撼的。為了充分表達(dá)我們的憤怒，我們可以對另一個(gè)人說：“當(dāng)你走進(jìn)房間，開始和其他人交談，什么也沒對我說，然后開始議論白人時(shí)，我感到我的胃非常不舒服，感到非常害怕，這件事，已經(jīng)激起了我對自己應(yīng)該受到平等待遇的訴求。我想請你告訴我，當(dāng)你聽到我說這些，你的感覺怎么樣？”(譯者：這里闡述的是第四步實(shí)戰(zhàn)舉例)
